I am puke
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
