If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
