I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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