So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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