BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
