Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize