Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
