I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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