it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
