he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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