I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
