i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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