a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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