The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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