Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
