I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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