just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
