So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
