Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
