Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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