My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
