You smell like a Billy Joel song
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
