I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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