Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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