I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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