dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
