Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
