So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
