You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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