So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
