My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
