I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
