So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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