I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize