Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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