I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
