after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
