Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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