Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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