so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
