im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
