I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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