I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
