just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
