Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
