Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
