Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
