Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
