i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
