i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He shit in the fireplace
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize