It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
