How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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