im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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