my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize