yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
