if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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