Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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