my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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