I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
