when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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