why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
