I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
