i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Girls should come with a carfax report
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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