Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
