Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize