NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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