She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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