recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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